Lying Labour Scum Lying Again: Promising Stuff Passed Three Years Ago (And It Isn’t Even The British General Election Yet!)

(Breaking silence, though still too busy for blog stuff currently, soz)

Was going to call this ‘Train In Vain’ but that would be too obvious. Besides, The Clash were skeets.

With the party of all things woke and hypocrisy set to take over from the party of pandering to woke and hypocrisy, good time to be reminded that whatever the Manx branch of the vermin can do, their big brothers do far better.

Labour will create Great British Railways?

That’s kinda strange.

Cuz, don’t that already exist, with a website and stuff?

Um, and hasn’t this been around for sometime?

Um, and wasn’t this all announced a full three years ago?

(That rotting kipper is now the Defence Secretary. Scary, ain’t it?)

Lying Labour vermin lying as usual. Don’t expect things to change in Fool Britannia when they kick the Tory scum out.

And The World Sighed With Relief

Your great All American moron – its electorate – has been saved from itself.

Tina Turner Was An Overrated Bar Singer And The Queen Of Toxic Femininity – Get Over It

It’s June, and with any luck the last of the vomit inducing crap about old Tina Turnoff finally running out of ‘eternal youth’ quack cures to blow her millions on.

If Tina Turner was the most important female recording artist of all time as the current ludicrous hyperbole of this glorified bar singer would have it, why in her own country did she only have one number one, six top ten hits and a derisory three top ten hit albums in her own country?

Moreover, why did she never score a single hit beyond the early 1990s? Her last top ten Billboard hit was in 1986, her last top twenty the year after. By 1989, ‘Steamy Windows’ could only make No. 39 and

The cold hard truth was Turner’s entire act – no matter how much historical revisionism is put on it – centered on a tired ‘woman as slut’ objectification routine, making her no different from the conveyor belt of botoxed bimbos in microskirts squeaking aural atrocities written by cynical svengalis that have polluted popular music for half a century.

She never wrote a single song, and were it not for washed up 70s easy listening act Gallagher & Lyle (‘Breakaway’ and ‘Heart On My Sleeve’) married to the technical expertise of the British Electronic Foundation (better known as the synth band Heaven 17 which split from the Human League), she would have remained an irrelevance.

Tina Turner, like Cher, enjoyed a temporary 80s comeback on the back of a consumer boom, the new wave of hyper-slick cocaine fueled marketing practices as the music industry consolidated after the late 70s free for all, and overhype by aging press hacks desperately clinging to their youth – with the connivance of seedy tabloid editors happy to give double pages to any woman with zero qualms about wardrobe malfunctioning as much as possible.

Not that it was all male: for a certain type of 80s female, Turner was an icon that you could be thick as pig shit and have the singing voice of a car exhaust, but if you have plenty of ‘attitude’ and your outfits in inverse proportion to the amount of plastic surgery you’d undergone, you could become rich and famous. Like Germaine Greer and All That never happened.

This included boasting about swapping out her blood in private clinics in the absurd Countess Bathory belief it would keep her young at the height of the AIDS epidemic. She even indulged – like the paedophile Michael Jackson – in skin lightening in order to appeal more to whitey – making her later attempts to play the black card in a final desperate grasp for 21st century relevence utterly offensive;

Once her ‘good time had by all’ persona became too ludicrous for even her most slavish fans, the hits abruptly dried up by the early 90s: whereupon she reinvented herself as a career ‘victim’ and ‘survivor’, milking to death the past history of her abusive relationship with the neanderthal Ike Turner for the benefit of a lurid voyeristic society who can never get enough dysfunctional relationship porn under a veneer of ’empathising’. Yeah, sure. The fact she only chucked Ike once clear like Sonny and Cher or Captain and Tennile the public now regarded their double act as hick caberet was airbrushed out.

Sounds snide? What the hell do you think the ultra successful Lifetime TV Channel’s target demographic is all about? Why is every crappy TV talent show contest a ‘victim’ or ‘survivor’ of something or other? Blame Turner and her ilk for turning that into the hawt sauce every microwave meal of a diva requires for their five minutes of fame and millions to this day.

Tina Turner was no ‘pioneer’ or icon – just an overrated bar singer and the queen of toxic femininity. Get over it, because sure as hell the rest of the world did long ago – after all, until she croaked, when was the last time you heard any of her songs on the radio?

God Save King Charles III! Huzzah! And All That Shit!

‘Are you watching Spencer scum? Are you watching, are you watching, are you watching Spencer scum?’

RAISE THE GRANNY ROGER!

IT’S YOUR SWEET SUCCULENT GRANNIES THAT WE WANT,

AND YOUR SWEET SUCCULENT GRANNIES WE SHALL HAVE!

What Was True In National Lampoon’s Animal House, Remains True Today

It’s 2023, and we have waddling McDonald’s addicts on TikTok who can’t even look after themselves properly telling everyone else what part of the Rainbow Groovy Gang they are, not in accordance with that person’s, um, sexuality, but in accordance with whether they also believe in the same brittle ideology as they do.

This is what happens when you bring up a generation spoilt and indulged to infinity by their useless parents – forever moralising to everyone else about breaking whatever happens to be the thoughtcrime of the week, getting all ‘triggered’ at anyone barking back.

Have no idea what this oxygen thief will die of, but one thing is for sure, they will die alone!

The Jazz Hands 2022 Christmas Message

Fantastic Turkeys And Where To Find Them – Slaughtered In Time For Christmas

Piss poor plotting, basic characterisation principles gone for a Burton, too much scripting emphasis to appeasing the woke, the Johnny Depp Yokey-Cokey whilst unhinged attention whore Erza Miller got away with near murder off-set because he played the rainbow card, thinking special effects and CGI could compensate for a lack of structure to the overall story arc.

The real mystery is that it made it to the third movie at all.

Put your money on Warner Brothers now telling J K Rowling either she agrees to a Harry Potter TV series on HBO with a much reduced amount of control on her part, or any future new business ventures with the corporation are at an end, it will only be ‘legacy’ produce that will be considered hereafter. No Ilvermorny, no nothing.

Rowling’s fond of stealing other people’s stories – pity she never stole any of Aesop’s or she might have learned something in the process, particularly Perry Number 87 and 721 …

Upon The Release Of Fossora

Incredibly Unfascinating Facts From The World Of Vexacious Sims 3 Vexillology (Part Two): The Eastlands Controversy

The Nilxisdomini was created by a series of acquisitions and land creation projects by the teenage multi-Simoleon squillionaire Nilxis, who got rich from investing in the Bitsimoleon ‘bubble’ incident of 2012.

By accident.

A combination of hitting the wrong button on his keyboard whilst shopping online and browser glitches redirecting him through multiple screens to a Bitsimoleon website – and then selling it all immediately again trying desperately to get his ‘lost’ money back before his mum found out – not only did he avoid being part being part of the crash which wiped billions off the values of Bitsimoleon portfolios, leaving global speculators in ruins, but it resulted in Nilxis being just about the only person on the planet other than the scammers to ever make any money from it.

And it all happened in sixty seconds.

The crash brought the Hisimuladol government to the brink of bankruptcy.

After finding that there was nothing Nilxis could be arrested for and his assets sequestrated (the traditional moving the goalposts method employed by governments the world over – not merely the Hisimish government – to cover up having screwed up big time and getting their money back), they offered secretly to make him Duke of the Costa Sol and for it to become a tax-free autonomous dependency within Hisimula – in return for a interest free loan enough to get the country back on its uppers.

Unfortunately for the Hisimish government, Nilxis’ history classes in school at that time just happened to centre on the rather long list of wealthy Hisimish merchants and bankers who over five centuries of Hisimula’s ‘Golden Age’ were offered similar terms – only to find themselves later arrested without warning on fraudulent charges of conspiring to overthrown the crown, government and Jacoban church of all Hisimula, etc, etc, tried and executed in double-quick time, and their assets – as traitors – being forfeit to the state.

Which was all rather too convenient sounding for Nilxis’ liking. To say nothing of ominous.

After Nilxis send his formal declination of their terms (‘buen intento, cul d’olla!’ ), the Hisimish government realised their only way out was by agreeing to sell their nation in its entirity to Nilxis (the island of Hisimoles – containing Barcelona, Emporda and Costa Sol – along with its remaining dependency the Isla Kalooni (Sa Pineda – although within Hisimish territorial waters – did not exist then as we know it today, but was part of a later land reclamation and expansion engineering project).

To understandable general uproar from the population at this highly undemocratic takeover of their country, which anyone familiar with Hisimula’s history of despotic monarches and bloodthirsty dictators would have realised this was a bit of a raw nerve.

To which the new head of state Nilxis responded by immediately having the entire of the government promptly arrested the next day for gross negligence – the charge being no responsible government carrying out proper due diligence would ever have gotten itself into such a mess that it had to sell the entire country to one of its own schoolboys, and indeed something no Hisimiard would have ever voted for.

To general laughter from the population at how the previous government had been so easily pwned.

The rest as they say is history, and the gently expanding Nilxisdomini is regarded as the textbook example of how nation states can be taken over by private enterprise whilst respecting their customs and traditions.

There was, however, one well known blip:

The Eastlands Controversy

Flags have on occasion been the subject of contention and controversy, and no more so than in the territory of Eastlands.

Eastlands (إيستلان or iistlandiz ) was a part of The Golden Sultanate (الأرض الشرقي or Al’Alard Alsharqiai) which ruled over Simharia (northern Simafrica) and parts of Europa for a millenia, and which used the same flag throughout its territories, of the crescent moon of Simla combined with the plumbob of all Simkind.

However, upon the final disintegration of the empire by the end of the Second Simsworld War, with most of it being placed under United Nations of the Sims mandate, a new flag was put in place in the Eastlands area (see above), which acknowledged in it the largest minority group – the Yehusim or Yahsims (the worshippers of Yehu or Yah, ie. Watcher) – after much pressure to do so. This caused outrage amongst the majority Mulsims, the largest group within the old empire.

(Mulsims is derived from the ancient Simerian word ‘mul’ – meaning ‘star’. Ancient Mulsims travelled largely by night using the stars in order to navigate across burning hot and largely landmark devoid terrain.)

To understand why, one must appreciate one of the underlying resentments they had with the very empire (and the prestige that came with it) whose destruction they mourned.

As a number of the larger Mulsim tribes posed a challenge to the Golden Sultanate, in order to prevent corruption on tribal lines, the Golden Sultanate’s civil service and judiciary were largely run by those taken at a young age from the Yahsims, Jabobans, Peterans, in fact everyone who wasn’t or their family wasn’t a Mulsim.

This was seen as a pragmatic counterbalance in an empire where some tribal chiefs were as powerful in their own right as some independent states outside of the empire – indeed, one of the reasons Sultans had so many wives was in order to keep each of them sweet the heirs to the throne would be obliged to marry one from at least each of the major houses when they came of age.

However, the Yahsims in turn objected to a flag in the traditional colour of all Mulsims.

This led to a new temporary flag.

Which nobody liked either, and which sparked a prolonged period of bitter fighting and the occasional civil war or ten as a millenia’s worth of old scores gave birth in a very short space of time to a whole load of new ones.

By the 21st century, the Eastlands territory was one of the Simworld’s great basketcases – in stark contrast to the prosperity of other former parts of the Golden Sultanate, especially Al-Simhara under the control of the Simgurus.

Tiring of what seemed to be an endless moneypit, the United Nations of the Sims agreed to hand over control of the territory for §1 to the emergent Nilxisdomini., which introduced a new flag which it was felt would make everyone happy as it harked back to the old Golden Sultanate flag.

The Yahsims objected to their symbol no longer being on the flag. The Mulsims objected to Nilxis’s symbol now being on it, as if Eastlands was now merely part of ‘the Nilxis’ empire’ – even though the place was now too dystopic and broke to be anything else.

In order to keep the peace, Nilxis hired an outside creative team from Simcity to come up with ideas for a new flag that would please everybody.

The Mulsims objected to the Yahsims star being inside their ‘moon space’. The Yahsims objected to it looking like it was being dominated over by the Mulsims moon. Both objected to the Globus de Nilxis being on it at all.

At this point, the United Nations of the Sims intervened – forgetting the very reason they’d sold off Eastlands in the first place was their utter cackhandedness in looking after it – and insisted that a list of potential choices be put to a national referendum, with the final winner being determined by single transferable vote.

It should be noted that by this time, due to the civil wars mentioned earlier, the population of Eastlands was one of the youngest on Simearth, which explained what happened next …

One design which managed to make its way onto the ballot, ostensibly created by a design team in Copacabana, claimed to have merged the Mulsim moon with interconnecting lines at the outermost points of the Yahsims star to create a brand new ‘unity’ symbol which their market research had shown would be acceptable to all.

Forgetting the hilarity caused by the flag of the Manihikki Fleet of the Nornities, the U.N.S. pressed ahead with the ballot, and to everyone’s horror the above design won, which the rest of the world pointed out to great merriment looked more symbolically like the Eastlands Pacman having to eat the Nilxisdomini power pill in order to escape the ghosts of its own past.

After only six months, and after Eastlands diplomatic staff globally realised other nations were not making ‘waka waka waka’ noises at them in imitation of a zeitgeist trending Simafrican salutation, the new flag was binned at great expense and as per the competition’s rules, the design team was paid §1 million compensation for lost royalties from the projected flag’s first year of merchandise sales as the winning entry (on top of the §100 000 prize earned by the winning design).

The new one was imposed by a new exasperated Nilxis, and the topic has never been raised again, to everyone’s relief.

Subsequent research by psephologists discovered that the vast majority of those voting in favour of the ‘Pacman’ design were in the 16-25 age group, who were fed up with all the argybargy over a flag (especially when it came to blows …), and that there had been an organised tactical voting campaign organised from abroad for people to vote for it ‘for the lulz!’

It was also later discovered that the design team in Copacabana owned the website which orchestrated the tactical vote campaign, that its headquarters in Copacabana had never existed except as a P. O. Box, and that someone claimed to have overheard in a Boroughsburg bar someone talking about ‘making a fortune from getting the commission to create a national flag that is so awful and embarrassing it couldn’t possibly be used!’

To this day, Strawberry Rotten has denied all involvement in the affair – usually with a knowing smirk.